Difference between revisions of "Transcript:Proposition Infinity"
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:''['''Scene''': [[Amy's apartment]]. [[Kif]] and [[Amy]] are watching [[Channel √2 News]].]'' | :''['''Scene''': [[Amy's apartment]]. [[Kif]] and [[Amy]] are watching [[Channel √2 News]].]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''' ''[on TV]'' We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? | <poem>'''[[Linda]]''': ''[on TV]'' We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Jim]]''' ''[on TV]'' ''[Still in the burning hovercopter.]'' The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda. | </poem><poem>'''[[Jim]]''': ''[on TV]'' ''[Still in the burning hovercopter.]'' The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Linda''' ''[on TV]'' ''[She laughs]'' One for the blooper reel. | </poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' ''[She laughs]'' One for the blooper reel. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''' The news is so violent. Let's watch ''Rachael Ray'' instead. No, wait. There might be chopping. | </poem><poem>'''Kif''': The news is so violent. Let's watch ''Rachael Ray'' instead. No, wait. There might be chopping. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''' You know full well that I am more closely related to the {{w|sea cucumber}}. | </poem><poem>'''Kif''': You know full well that I am more closely related to the {{w|sea cucumber}}. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Not where it counts. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Not where it counts. | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Morbo]]''' ''[on TV]'' I hated Jim! In other news, [[Proposition Infinity#Goofs|our city]]'s urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. | </poem><poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': ''[on TV]'' I hated Jim! In other news, [[Proposition Infinity#Goofs|our city]]'s urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Linda''' ''[on TV]'' [[New New York Police Department|Police]] have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art. | </poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' [[New New York Police Department|Police]] have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art. | ||
</poem>''[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]'' | </poem>''[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]'' | ||
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:''['''Scene''': New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables. | :''['''Scene''': New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables. | ||
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''' ''[He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head]'' That is one sexy bridge abutment. </poem> | <poem>'''[[Bender]]''': ''[He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head]'' That is one sexy bridge abutment. </poem> | ||
:''[Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a [[Richard Nixon's head|Richard Nixon]] "Despair" poster (parodying the {{w|Barack Obama "Hope" poster}}) and a [[Tube Transport System|tube transport station]]. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]'' | :''[Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a [[Richard Nixon's head|Richard Nixon]] "Despair" poster (parodying the {{w|Barack Obama "Hope" poster}}) and a [[Tube Transport System|tube transport station]]. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Hyper-Chicken]]''' Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. ''[He crashes his [[hovercar]] and crows loudly]'' | <poem>'''[[Hyper-Chicken]]''': Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. ''[He crashes his [[hovercar]] and crows loudly]'' | ||
</poem>''[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]'' | </poem>''[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' The key is knowing precisely where to strike. ''[The last building turns out to be URL's back]'' Oops! | <poem>'''Bender''': The key is knowing precisely where to strike. ''[The last building turns out to be URL's back]'' Oops! | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[URL]]''' Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. ''[He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]'' | </poem><poem>'''[[URL]]''': Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. ''[He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Smitty]]''' You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. | </poem><poem>'''[[Smitty]]''': You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. | ||
</poem><poem>'''URL''' It does kinda class-up the place.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''URL''': It does kinda class-up the place.</poem> | ||
:''[Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]'' | :''[Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]'' | ||
<poem>'''Clock''' The time is 4 am.</poem> | <poem>'''Clock''': The time is 4 am.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Amy's apartment]'' | :''['''Scene''': Amy's apartment]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? | <poem>'''Amy''': We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''' Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in [[Kif-Amy relationship|our relationship]]. | </poem><poem>'''Kif''': Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in [[Kif-Amy relationship|our relationship]]. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' We're just going through a rough patch.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': We're just going through a rough patch.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Kif''' It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender. | <poem>'''Kif''': It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender. | ||
</poem>''[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone] | </poem>''[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone] | ||
<poem>'''[[Todd]]''' Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. ''[He plays a tune]''</poem> | <poem>'''[[Todd]]''': Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. ''[He plays a tune]''</poem> | ||
:''[Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign''] | :''[Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign''] | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? ''[Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]'' | <poem>'''Amy''': Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? ''[Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' ''Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Oh, no! | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Oh, no! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' ''That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' I don't have that kind of money laying around. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': I don't have that kind of money laying around. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' ''Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!'' | ||
:''['''Scene''': [[Will Riker's Island]], prison interior. Bender, Roberto, [[Joey Mousepad]] and other criminals are in a cell.]'' | :''['''Scene''': [[Will Riker's Island]], prison interior. Bender, Roberto, [[Joey Mousepad]] and other criminals are in a cell.]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Roberto]]''' ''[He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock]'' Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. ''[He stabs at Bender]'' | <poem>'''[[Roberto]]''': ''[He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock]'' Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. ''[He stabs at Bender]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' I better carve a shiv for protection. ''[He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': I better carve a shiv for protection. ''[He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''URL''' ''[He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.]'' Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out. | </poem><poem>'''URL''': ''[He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.]'' Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Oh! Thank God. ''[He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate]'' Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oh! Thank God. ''[He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate]'' Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Larry the Murder Burglar]]''' ''[To Amy]'' Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar. | </poem><poem>'''[[Larry the Murder Burglar]]''': ''[To Amy]'' Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''' Amy, that man's a criminal! | </poem><poem>'''Kif''': Amy, that man's a criminal! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' I was just checking out his tats. ''[She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a {{w|molotov cocktail}}. The house explodes.]'' Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': I was just checking out his tats. ''[She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a {{w|molotov cocktail}}. The house explodes.]'' Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Larry the Murder Burglar''' Sure.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Larry the Murder Burglar''': Sure.</poem> | ||
:''[Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]'' | :''[Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]'' | ||
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:''[A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]'' | :''[A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]'' | ||
<poem>'''Kif''' ''[To Amy]'' I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. </poem> | <poem>'''Kif''': ''[To Amy]'' I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. </poem> | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' Quit exaggerating.</poem> | <poem>'''Amy''': Quit exaggerating.</poem> | ||
:''[A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]'' | :''[A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Criminal''' Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it! | <poem>'''Criminal''': Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' ''[Giggling]'' Oh! You're bad! | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[Giggling]'' Oh! You're bad! | ||
</poem><poem>'''URL''' ''[He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal]'' Momma said, Spock you out! | </poem><poem>'''URL''': ''[He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal]'' Momma said, Spock you out! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''' That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. ''[He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Kif''': That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. ''[He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' ''[He is holding the accordion.]'' Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, ''[singing]'' Let's go already! </poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He is holding the accordion.]'' Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, ''[singing]'' Let's go already! </poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''':[[Forbidden Planet Hollywood]]. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]'' Pan over the various exhibits, from {{sw|Chewbacca|Chewbacca's}} feet to {{w|Iron Man|Iron Man's}} underpants, {{w|Elvis|Elvis'}} pelvis and [[Calculon|Calculon's]] agent. Bender, [[Fry]], [[Leela]] and Amy are seated at a table]'' | :''['''Scene''':[[Forbidden Planet Hollywood]]. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]'' Pan over the various exhibits, from {{sw|Chewbacca|Chewbacca's}} feet to {{w|Iron Man|Iron Man's}} underpants, {{w|Elvis|Elvis'}} pelvis and [[Calculon|Calculon's]] agent. Bender, [[Fry]], [[Leela]] and Amy are seated at a table]'' | ||
<poem>'''Leela''' Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous. | <poem>'''Leela''': Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Yeah, the game of {{w|Old Maid}}. ''[He laughs]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, the game of {{w|Old Maid}}. ''[He laughs]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Security woman''' Excuse me, sir, are those yours? ''[Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]'' | </poem><poem>'''Security woman''': Excuse me, sir, are those yours? ''[Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. ''[He opens his chest cabinet revealing {{w|Lassie}}. She barks]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. ''[He opens his chest cabinet revealing {{w|Lassie}}. She barks]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' No. Technically we were [[Coinage#F|Fonfon rus]], so we weren't really married. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': No. Technically we were [[Coinage#F|Fonfon rus]], so we weren't really married. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Wow! The interesting thing about that is ''[He starts snoring]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Wow! The interesting thing about that is ''[He starts snoring]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' The truth is often stupid. ''[He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': The truth is often stupid. ''[He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Shut up, baby, you love it. | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Shut up, baby, you love it. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' What? </poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': What? </poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Amy's apartment]'' | :''['''Scene''': Amy's apartment]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' ''[In bed with Bender]'' That was great. | <poem>'''Amy''': ''[In bed with Bender]'' That was great. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Shut up. ''[Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing]'' Come over here.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Shut up. ''[Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing]'' Come over here.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]'' | :''['''Scene''': Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' Remember, love between a [[human]] and a [[robot]] is taboo. ''[She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.]'' We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. | <poem>'''Amy''': Remember, love between a [[human]] and a [[robot]] is taboo. ''[She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.]'' We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. ''[They begin kissing]''</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. ''[They begin kissing]''</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]'' | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Hermes]]''' I think I'm coming down with [[circusitis]]. ''[He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]'' | <poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': I think I'm coming down with [[circusitis]]. ''[He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' I thought circusitis only affected children. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': I thought circusitis only affected children. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' Children of all ages. | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Children of all ages. | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''' Bender, old friend. What's on your face? | </poem><poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': Bender, old friend. What's on your face? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' ''[He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.]'' Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard. | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.]'' Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Uh, maybe. So what? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Uh, maybe. So what? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them. | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' ''[He clears his throat]'' Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He clears his throat]'' Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' Oh, my swollen feet. ''He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes]'' I better take my pills. ''[He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]''</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Oh, my swollen feet. ''He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes]'' I better take my pills. ''[He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]''</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': NNY street]'' | :''['''Scene''': NNY street]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten. | <poem>'''Bender''': Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. ''[They kiss]'' | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. ''[They kiss]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Preacherbot]]''' Sinners! [[Robosexuality]] is an abomination! | </poem><poem>'''[[Preacherbot]]''': Sinners! [[Robosexuality]] is an abomination! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Oy, this guy. | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oy, this guy. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''' The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between. | </poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between. | ||
</poem>''[A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]'' | </poem>''[A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' Look! A single mother! Let's get her! ''[The crowd runs off]''</poem> | <poem>'''Bender''': Look! A single mother! Let's get her! ''[The crowd runs off]''</poem> | ||
:''[Bender and Amy walk off]'' | :''[Bender and Amy walk off]'' | ||
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:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express ship]] basement.]'' | :''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express ship]] basement.]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Farnsworth]]''' Quickly, into the ship's basement! ''[Dr. Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there.]'' Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. ''[Pan over the individual jars of weather]'' I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. ''[He opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a typhoon, it has Bender's graffiti on it.]'' That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. | <poem>'''[[Farnsworth]]''': Quickly, into the ship's basement! ''[Dr. Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there.]'' Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. ''[Pan over the individual jars of weather]'' I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. ''[He opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a typhoon, it has Bender's graffiti on it.]'' That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' How is that? ''[She gets zapped by the prod and screams.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': How is that? ''[She gets zapped by the prod and screams.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' Get out there!</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Get out there!</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Tornadus]]. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]'' | :''['''Scene''': [[Planet Tornadus]]. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Leela''' Is everybody in position? | <poem>'''Leela''': Is everybody in position? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' What? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': What? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''' Is someone talking? | </poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Is someone talking? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' Okay, good. On three. One. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': Okay, good. On three. One. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' What did she say? | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': What did she say? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' Two. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': Two. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Wait, I'm not in position. ''[He is being blown around by the winds]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Wait, I'm not in position. ''[He is being blown around by the winds]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' Three. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': Three. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''' I'm ready for the countdown. | </poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': I'm ready for the countdown. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' She said, "Go!" | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': She said, "Go!" | ||
</poem>''[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]''</poem> | </poem>''[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]''</poem> | ||
Line 242: | Line 242: | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Ship basement]'' | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express Ship basement]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''' Good work, everyone. ''[A tornado has someone been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose.]'' | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Good work, everyone. ''[A tornado has someone been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' Honestly, that went better than I expected. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': Honestly, that went better than I expected. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. ''[He puts the leaf into the pickle jar.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. ''[He puts the leaf into the pickle jar.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' Hey, where's Amy and Bender. | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hey, where's Amy and Bender. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''' They're missing out on some hot pickle action. ''[He licks his mouth flaps.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': They're missing out on some hot pickle action. ''[He licks his mouth flaps.]'' | ||
</poem>''[The Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling.]'' | </poem>''[The Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''' Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. | <poem>'''Hermes''': Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. | ||
</poem>''[Amy's sweatshirt whips around in the tornado.]'' | </poem>''[Amy's sweatshirt whips around in the tornado.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Leela''' That's Amy's sweatshirt! | <poem>'''Leela''': That's Amy's sweatshirt! | ||
</poem>''[Bender's hat appears]'' | </poem>''[Bender's hat appears]'' | ||
<poem>'''Fry''' And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball! | <poem>'''Fry''': And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds! | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.]'' Oh, the humanity! Also Bender! | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.]'' Oh, the humanity! Also Bender! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' ''[The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.]'' Uh-oh! | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.]'' Uh-oh! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' What's going on here? | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': What's going on here? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Uh. ''[He antenna recedes.]'' Nothing.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Uh. ''[He antenna recedes.]'' Nothing.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth. | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth. | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''' A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof! | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' What about ''on'' the roof? | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': What about ''on'' the roof? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' Get your mind out of the gutter! | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Get your mind out of the gutter! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' What about in the gutter? | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': What about in the gutter? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults. | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''' Or one! | </poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Or one! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as [[Amy's parents|my parents]] don't find out. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as [[Amy's parents|my parents]] don't find out. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' ''Zai jian.'' ''[He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''Zai jian.'' ''[He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Mom? Dad? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Mom? Dad? | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Leo Wong|Leo]]''' Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. ''[He pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy]'' Atta girl! | </poem><poem>'''[[Leo Wong|Leo]]''': Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. ''[He pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy]'' Atta girl! | ||
</poem>''[The Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling]'' | </poem>''[The Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling! | <poem>'''Bender''': Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''' ''[The doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there]'' Repent! | </poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': ''[The doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there]'' Repent! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Oy, this guy. ''[A magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off.]''</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oy, this guy. ''[A magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off.]''</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch. No {{w|Brokeback Mountain|Brokebacking}}]'' | :''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch. No {{w|Brokeback Mountain|Brokebacking}}]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Inez Wong|Inez]]''' Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great. | <poem>'''[[Inez Wong|Inez]]''': Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex- | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex- | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''' ''[Cutting across her.]'' You finish that word, you kill your parents. | </poem><poem>'''Leo''': ''[Cutting across her.]'' You finish that word, you kill your parents. | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Wine Bucket]]''' Low wine level detected. ''[He fills Amy's glass]'' | </poem><poem>'''[[Wine Bucket]]''': Low wine level detected. ''[He fills Amy's glass]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Thank you. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Thank you. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''' Stop seducing him, you hussy! | </poem><poem>'''Leo''': Stop seducing him, you hussy! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket! | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Wine Bucket''' ''[A tear rolls down its face]'' Hopes deleted.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Wine Bucket''': ''[A tear rolls down its face]'' Hopes deleted.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': [[Camp Rectifier]]. Praying on the weak since [[2976]].]'' | :''['''Scene''': [[Camp Rectifier]]. Praying on the weak since [[2976]].]'' | ||
<poem>'''Preacherbot''' Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh. </poem> | <poem>'''Preacherbot''': Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh. </poem> | ||
:''[In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, [[Fatbot]], and an unknown robot]'' | :''[In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, [[Fatbot]], and an unknown robot]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' Neat! | <poem>'''Bender''': Neat! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''' Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India. | </poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Unknown Robot''' But I read in ''Esqwired'' that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. | </poem><poem>'''Unknown Robot''': But I read in ''Esqwired'' that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''' Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"? | </poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"? | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Hermaphrobot]]''' I'll take a-three-men, holla! </poem> | </poem><poem>'''[[Hermaphrobot]]''': I'll take a-three-men, holla! </poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Inez''' Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! ''[There is a line of men standing near the porch.]'' I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. | <poem>'''Inez''': Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! ''[There is a line of men standing near the porch.]'' I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interesting in any of these gross, ugly losers. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interesting in any of these gross, ugly losers. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' ''[Walking up]'' What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[Walking up]'' What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''' Fry! What you doing here? | </poem><poem>'''Leo''': Fry! What you doing here? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from here robosexual desires. ''[He winks.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from here robosexual desires. ''[He winks.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? ''[She winks back.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? ''[She winks back.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''' Look at that awkward winking. | </poem><poem>'''Leo''': Look at that awkward winking. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Inez''' It must be love. ''[Fry and Amy walk off]''</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Inez''': It must be love. ''[Fry and Amy walk off]''</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express ship]'' | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express ship]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' My parents may be evil, but at least their stupid. </poem> | <poem>'''Amy''': My parents may be evil, but at least their stupid. </poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Camp Rectifier]'' | :''['''Scene''': Camp Rectifier]'' | ||
<poem>'''Preacherbot''' ''[The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.]'' In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. | <poem>'''Preacherbot''': ''[The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.]'' In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Fatbot]]''' Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack! | </poem><poem>'''[[Fatbot]]''': Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''' ''[He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! ''[He wipes away some sweat.]'' Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. ''[The campers all switch dummies.]'' Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. | </poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': ''[He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! ''[He wipes away some sweat.]'' Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. ''[The campers all switch dummies.]'' Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now! | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' I'm inside the dummy to rescue you. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': I'm inside the dummy to rescue you. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' That answers that. Wait... Amy? ''[He begins kissing the demon]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': That answers that. Wait... Amy? ''[He begins kissing the demon]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' ''[Fry and Leela can be heard groaning]'' Bender, be careful! | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[Fry and Leela can be heard groaning]'' Bender, be careful! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech. | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''' I guess we should have waited in the ship.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': I guess we should have waited in the ship.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, ''[He lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A.]'' will you marry me? | <poem>'''Bender''': Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, ''[He lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A.]'' will you marry me? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' Yes! Yes! | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': Yes! Yes! | ||
:''[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]''</poem> | :''[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]''</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''' Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, ''[He checks his pulse and hears only one beat]'' No! | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, ''[He checks his pulse and hears only one beat]'' No! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''' ''[He is admiring Amy's ring]'' Such a stone. Is it real? ''[Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.]'' Horray! | </poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[He is admiring Amy's ring]'' Such a stone. Is it real? ''[Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.]'' Horray! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal! | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''' Not in [[Space Massachusetts]]. | </poem><poem>'''Leela''': Not in [[Space Massachusetts]]. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' We're talking about robosexual marriage. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': We're talking about robosexual marriage. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''' We're talking about lots of stuff.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Hermes''': We're talking about lots of stuff.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]'' | ||
Line 410: | Line 410: | ||
:''[The Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head.]'' | :''[The Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Fry''' Cool! Can you turn into a race car? | <poem>'''Fry''': Cool! Can you turn into a race car? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Hot Dog Stand</poem><poem>''' Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. | </poem><poem>'''Hot Dog Stand</poem><poem>''': Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' ''[on stage]'' Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[on stage]'' Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[Hedonism Bot]]''' ''[In a bondage outfit]'' Squeaky, squishy clean! ''[The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]'' | </poem><poem>'''[[Hedonism Bot]]''': ''[In a bondage outfit]'' Squeaky, squishy clean! ''[The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! ''[The crowd cheers]'' | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! ''[The crowd cheers]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, ''[Cut to the [[Donbot]] and [[Fanny]],'' man and woman, ''[Pan to [[Pauly Shore]] and [[Michelle]],'' man and man ''[Pan to [[Randy Munchnik]], [[Soupy|his partner]], and their poodle.]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, ''[Cut to the [[Donbot]] and [[Fanny]],'' man and woman, ''[Pan to [[Pauly Shore]] and [[Michelle]],'' man and man ''[Pan to [[Randy Munchnik]], [[Soupy|his partner]], and their poodle.]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Randy''' Our poodle has ''two'' daddies. | </poem><poem>'''Randy''': Our poodle has ''two'' daddies. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Interracial, ''[Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white]'', Interplanetary, ''[Pan to a blob and a woman]'', even ghost and horse, ''[a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body]'' but not robot and human.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Interracial, ''[Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white]'', Interplanetary, ''[Pan to a blob and a woman]'', even ghost and horse, ''[a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body]'' but not robot and human.</poem> | ||
:''[The crowd boos]'' | :''[The crowd boos]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage. </poem> | <poem>'''Amy''': That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage. </poem> | ||
:''[The crowd cheers]'' | :''[The crowd cheers]'' | ||
<poem>'''Bender''' If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support [[Proposition ∞|Proposition Infinity]]!</poem> | <poem>'''Bender''': If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support [[Proposition ∞|Proposition Infinity]]!</poem> | ||
:''[A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, [[Hattie]] and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]'' | :''[A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, [[Hattie]] and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]'' | ||
Line 438: | Line 438: | ||
:''['''Scene''': √2 News broadcast.]'' | :''['''Scene''': √2 News broadcast.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Linda''' ''[on TV]'' As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat. | <poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''' ''[on TV]'' Doomed! | </poem><poem>'''Morbo''': ''[on TV]'' Doomed! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Linda''' ''[on TV]'' More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.</poem> | ||
:''[A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]'' | :''[A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Actor 1''' A storm is gathering. | <poem>'''Actor 1''': A storm is gathering. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Actor 2''' A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. | </poem><poem>'''Actor 2''': A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Actor 1''' It's probably a firestorm. | </poem><poem>'''Actor 1''': It's probably a firestorm. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Actress''' If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. | </poem><poem>'''Actress''': If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Man''' ''[Voice over]'' Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the [[Farnsworth Foundation]].</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Man''': ''[Voice over]'' Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the [[Farnsworth Foundation]].</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge.]'' | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! | <poem>'''Amy''': We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''' Professor, who's debating for your side? | </poem><poem>'''Fry''': Professor, who's debating for your side? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Debate Hall]'' | :''['''Scene''': Debate Hall]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''' ''[Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.]'' That's him! | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.]'' That's him! | ||
</poem><poem>'''[[George Takei's head]]''' Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. ''[The crowd does.]'' We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. | </poem><poem>'''[[George Takei's head]]''': Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. ''[The crowd does.]'' We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.</poem> | ||
:''[The crowd cheers and applauds]'' | :''[The crowd cheers and applauds]'' | ||
<poem>'''Takei''' I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since [[William Shatner|Bill Shatner]] explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? | <poem>'''Takei''': I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since [[William Shatner|Bill Shatner]] explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion. | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love. | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. ''[Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.]'' Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. ''[Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.]'' I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me ''[Eunice is in bed with a robot.]'' for a robot! ''[End flashback]'' How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo? | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. ''[Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.]'' Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. ''[Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.]'' I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me ''[Eunice is in bed with a robot.]'' for a robot! ''[End flashback]'' How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''' That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? | </poem><poem>'''Amy''': That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? | ||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' She didn't just leave me for a robot. She ''was'' a robot! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! [[Unit 47]]. ''[The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47.]'' My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. ''[The crowd cheers]'' | </poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': She didn't just leave me for a robot. She ''was'' a robot! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! [[Unit 47]]. ''[The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47.]'' My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. ''[The crowd cheers]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Give me a hug. ''[He jumps the Professor]'' | </poem><poem>'''Bender''': Give me a hug. ''[He jumps the Professor]'' | ||
</poem><poem>'''George Takei's head''' I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. ''Oh, my!''</poem> | </poem><poem>'''George Takei's head''': I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. ''Oh, my!''</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. The crew is watching TV.] | :''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. The crew is watching TV.] | ||
<poem>'''Linda''' ''[on TV]'' In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. | <poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. | ||
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''' ''[on TV]'' What's next, gay robosexual marriage?</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Morbo''': ''[on TV]'' What's next, gay robosexual marriage?</poem> | ||
:''[The crew cheers]'' | :''[The crew cheers]'' | ||
<poem>'''Amy''' We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! | <poem>'''Amy''': We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! | ||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''' Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? ''[Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]''</poem> | </poem><poem>'''Bender{{transcript infobox | ||
|isanimatic=no | |||
|for=Proposition Infinity | |||
|written by=[[Michael Rowe]] | |||
|credit=[[User:Teyrn of Highever|Teyrn of Highever]]<br>[[User:Kifcroaker|Kifcroaker]] | |||
|prev ep=Attack of the Killer App | |||
|next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code | |||
}} | |||
''[Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Amy's apartment]]. [[Kif]] and [[Amy]] are watching [[Channel √2 News]].]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': ''[on TV]'' We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Jim]]''': ''[on TV]'' ''[Still in the burning hovercopter.]'' The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' ''[She laughs]'' One for the blooper reel. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''': The news is so violent. Let's watch ''Rachael Ray'' instead. No, wait. There might be chopping. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''': You know full well that I am more closely related to the {{w|sea cucumber}}. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Not where it counts. | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': ''[on TV]'' I hated Jim! In other news, [[Proposition Infinity#Goofs|our city]]'s urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' [[New New York Police Department|Police]] have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art. | |||
</poem>''[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables. | |||
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': ''[He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head]'' That is one sexy bridge abutment. </poem> | |||
:''[Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a [[Richard Nixon's head|Richard Nixon]] "Despair" poster (parodying the {{w|Barack Obama "Hope" poster}}) and a [[Tube Transport System|tube transport station]]. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Hyper-Chicken]]''': Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. ''[He crashes his [[hovercar]] and crows loudly]'' | |||
</poem>''[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': The key is knowing precisely where to strike. ''[The last building turns out to be URL's back]'' Oops! | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[URL]]''': Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. ''[He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Smitty]]''': You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. | |||
</poem><poem>'''URL''': It does kinda class-up the place.</poem> | |||
:''[Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]'' | |||
<poem>'''Clock''': The time is 4 am.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Amy's apartment]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''': Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in [[Kif-Amy relationship|our relationship]]. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': We're just going through a rough patch.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Kif''': It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender. | |||
</poem>''[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone] | |||
<poem>'''[[Todd]]''': Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. ''[He plays a tune]''</poem> | |||
:''[Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign''] | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? ''[Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Oh, no! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': I don't have that kind of money laying around. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Will Riker's Island]], prison interior. Bender, Roberto, [[Joey Mousepad]] and other criminals are in a cell.]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Roberto]]''': ''[He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock]'' Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. ''[He stabs at Bender]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': I better carve a shiv for protection. ''[He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''URL''': ''[He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.]'' Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oh! Thank God. ''[He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate]'' Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Larry the Murder Burglar]]''': ''[To Amy]'' Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''': Amy, that man's a criminal! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': I was just checking out his tats. ''[She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a {{w|molotov cocktail}}. The house explodes.]'' Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Larry the Murder Burglar''': Sure.</poem> | |||
:''[Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]'' | |||
:''[A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]'' | |||
<poem>'''Kif''': ''[To Amy]'' I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. </poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Quit exaggerating.</poem> | |||
:''[A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Criminal''': Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[Giggling]'' Oh! You're bad! | |||
</poem><poem>'''URL''': ''[He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal]'' Momma said, Spock you out! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Kif''': That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. ''[He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He is holding the accordion.]'' Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, ''[singing]'' Let's go already! </poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''':[[Forbidden Planet Hollywood]]. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]'' Pan over the various exhibits, from {{sw|Chewbacca|Chewbacca's}} feet to {{w|Iron Man|Iron Man's}} underpants, {{w|Elvis|Elvis'}} pelvis and [[Calculon|Calculon's]] agent. Bender, [[Fry]], [[Leela]] and Amy are seated at a table]'' | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, the game of {{w|Old Maid}}. ''[He laughs]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Security woman''': Excuse me, sir, are those yours? ''[Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. ''[He opens his chest cabinet revealing {{w|Lassie}}. She barks]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': No. Technically we were [[Coinage#F|Fonfon rus]], so we weren't really married. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Wow! The interesting thing about that is ''[He starts snoring]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': The truth is often stupid. ''[He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Shut up, baby, you love it. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': What? </poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Amy's apartment]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[In bed with Bender]'' That was great. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Shut up. ''[Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing]'' Come over here.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Remember, love between a [[human]] and a [[robot]] is taboo. ''[She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.]'' We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. ''[They begin kissing]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': I think I'm coming down with [[circusitis]]. ''[He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': I thought circusitis only affected children. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Children of all ages. | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': Bender, old friend. What's on your face? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.]'' Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Uh, maybe. So what? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He clears his throat]'' Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Oh, my swollen feet. ''He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes]'' I better take my pills. ''[He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': NNY street]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. ''[They kiss]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Preacherbot]]''': Sinners! [[Robosexuality]] is an abomination! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oy, this guy. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between. | |||
</poem>''[A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Look! A single mother! Let's get her! ''[The crowd runs off]''</poem> | |||
:''[Bender and Amy walk off]'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express ship]] basement.]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Farnsworth]]''': Quickly, into the ship's basement! ''[Dr. Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there.]'' Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. ''[Pan over the individual jars of weather]'' I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. ''[He opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a typhoon, it has Bender's graffiti on it.]'' That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': How is that? ''[She gets zapped by the prod and screams.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Get out there!</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Tornadus]]. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Is everybody in position? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': What? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Is someone talking? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Okay, good. On three. One. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': What did she say? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Two. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Wait, I'm not in position. ''[He is being blown around by the winds]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Three. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': I'm ready for the countdown. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': She said, "Go!" | |||
</poem>''[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Ship basement]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Good work, everyone. ''[A tornado has someone been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Honestly, that went better than I expected. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. ''[He puts the leaf into the pickle jar.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hey, where's Amy and Bender. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': They're missing out on some hot pickle action. ''[He licks his mouth flaps.]'' | |||
</poem>''[The Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. | |||
</poem>''[Amy's sweatshirt whips around in the tornado.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': That's Amy's sweatshirt! | |||
</poem>''[Bender's hat appears]'' | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.]'' Oh, the humanity! Also Bender! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.]'' Uh-oh! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': What's going on here? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Uh. ''[He antenna recedes.]'' Nothing.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth. | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': What about ''on'' the roof? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Get your mind out of the gutter! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': What about in the gutter? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Or one! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as [[Amy's parents|my parents]] don't find out. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''Zai jian.'' ''[He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Mom? Dad? | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Leo Wong|Leo]]''': Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. ''[He pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy]'' Atta girl! | |||
</poem>''[The Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': ''[The doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there]'' Repent! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oy, this guy. ''[A magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch. No {{w|Brokeback Mountain|Brokebacking}}]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Inez Wong|Inez]]''': Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex- | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''': ''[Cutting across her.]'' You finish that word, you kill your parents. | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Wine Bucket]]''': Low wine level detected. ''[He fills Amy's glass]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Thank you. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''': Stop seducing him, you hussy! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Wine Bucket''': ''[A tear rolls down its face]'' Hopes deleted.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Camp Rectifier]]. Praying on the weak since [[2976]].]'' | |||
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh. </poem> | |||
:''[In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, [[Fatbot]], and an unknown robot]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Neat! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Unknown Robot''': But I read in ''Esqwired'' that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"? | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Hermaphrobot]]''': I'll take a-three-men, holla! </poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Inez''': Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! ''[There is a line of men standing near the porch.]'' I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interesting in any of these gross, ugly losers. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[Walking up]'' What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''': Fry! What you doing here? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from here robosexual desires. ''[He winks.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? ''[She winks back.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leo''': Look at that awkward winking. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Inez''': It must be love. ''[Fry and Amy walk off]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express ship]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': My parents may be evil, but at least their stupid. </poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Camp Rectifier]'' | |||
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': ''[The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.]'' In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Fatbot]]''': Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Preacherbot''': ''[He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! ''[He wipes away some sweat.]'' Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. ''[The campers all switch dummies.]'' Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': I'm inside the dummy to rescue you. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': That answers that. Wait... Amy? ''[He begins kissing the demon]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[Fry and Leela can be heard groaning]'' Bender, be careful! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': I guess we should have waited in the ship.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, ''[He lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A.]'' will you marry me? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Yes! Yes! | |||
:''[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, ''[He checks his pulse and hears only one beat]'' No! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[He is admiring Amy's ring]'' Such a stone. Is it real? ''[Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.]'' Horray! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Not in [[Space Massachusetts]]. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': We're talking about robosexual marriage. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': We're talking about lots of stuff.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]'' | |||
:''[The Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool! Can you turn into a race car? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Hot Dog Stand</poem><poem>''': Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[on stage]'' Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[Hedonism Bot]]''': ''[In a bondage outfit]'' Squeaky, squishy clean! ''[The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! ''[The crowd cheers]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, ''[Cut to the [[Donbot]] and [[Fanny]],'' man and woman, ''[Pan to [[Pauly Shore]] and [[Michelle]],'' man and man ''[Pan to [[Randy Munchnik]], [[Soupy|his partner]], and their poodle.]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Randy''': Our poodle has ''two'' daddies. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Interracial, ''[Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white]'', Interplanetary, ''[Pan to a blob and a woman]'', even ghost and horse, ''[a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body]'' but not robot and human.</poem> | |||
:''[The crowd boos]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage. </poem> | |||
:''[The crowd cheers]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support [[Proposition ∞|Proposition Infinity]]!</poem> | |||
:''[A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, [[Hattie]] and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': √2 News broadcast.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''': ''[on TV]'' Doomed! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.</poem> | |||
:''[A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Actor 1''': A storm is gathering. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Actor 2''': A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Actor 1''': It's probably a firestorm. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Actress''': If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Man''': ''[Voice over]'' Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the [[Farnsworth Foundation]].</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Professor, who's debating for your side? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Debate Hall]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.]'' That's him! | |||
</poem><poem>'''[[George Takei's head]]''': Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. ''[The crowd does.]'' We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.</poem> | |||
:''[The crowd cheers and applauds]'' | |||
<poem>'''Takei''': I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since [[William Shatner|Bill Shatner]] explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. ''[Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.]'' Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. ''[Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.]'' I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me ''[Eunice is in bed with a robot.]'' for a robot! ''[End flashback]'' How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? | |||
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': She didn't just leave me for a robot. She ''was'' a robot! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! [[Unit 47]]. ''[The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47.]'' My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. ''[The crowd cheers]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Give me a hug. ''[He jumps the Professor]'' | |||
</poem><poem>'''George Takei's head''': I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. ''Oh, my!''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. The crew is watching TV.] | |||
<poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV]'' In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. | |||
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''': ''[on TV]'' What's next, gay robosexual marriage?</poem> | |||
:''[The crew cheers]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! | |||
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? ''[Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]''</poem> | |||
:''[Cut back to Planet Express]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Radio Announcer]]''': And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. ''[A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.]'' At number 12, it's [[Wailing Fungus]] with "Shut Up and Love Me"</poem> | |||
:''[As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]'' | |||
:''[Closing Credits.]'' | |||
{{navigation bottom/transcript | |||
|prev ep=Attack of the Killer App | |||
|next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code | |||
}} | |||
Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? ''[Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]''</poem> | |||
:''[Cut back to Planet Express]'' | :''[Cut back to Planet Express]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Radio Announcer]]''' And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. ''[A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.]'' At number 12, it's [[Wailing Fungus]] with "Shut Up and Love Me"</poem> | <poem>'''[[Radio Announcer]]''': And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. ''[A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.]'' At number 12, it's [[Wailing Fungus]] with "Shut Up and Love Me"</poem> | ||
:''[As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]'' | :''[As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]'' |
Revision as of 03:41, 20 March 2011
← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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Transcript for | |
Proposition Infinity | |
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Written by | Michael Rowe |
Transcribed by | Teyrn of Highever Kifcroaker |
[Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]
- [Scene: Amy's apartment. Kif and Amy are watching Channel √2 News.]
Linda: [on TV] We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim?
Jim: [on TV] [Still in the burning hovercopter.] The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda.
Linda: [on TV] [She laughs] One for the blooper reel.
Kif: The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait. There might be chopping.
Amy: God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.
Kif: You know full well that I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.
Amy: Not where it counts.
Morbo: [on TV] I hated Jim! In other news, our city's urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.
Linda: [on TV] Police have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art.
[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]
- [Scene: New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables.
Bender: [He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head] That is one sexy bridge abutment.
- [Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a Richard Nixon "Despair" poster (parodying the Barack Obama "Hope" poster) and a tube transport station. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]
Hyper-Chicken: Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. [He crashes his hovercar and crows loudly]
[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]
Bender: The key is knowing precisely where to strike. [The last building turns out to be URL's back] Oops!
URL: Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. [He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]
Smitty: You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.
URL: It does kinda class-up the place.
- [Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]
Clock: The time is 4 am.
- [Scene: Amy's apartment]
Amy: We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?
Kif: Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.
Amy: We're just going through a rough patch.
Kif: It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender.
[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone]
Todd: Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. [He plays a tune]
- [Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign]
Amy: Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? [Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]
Bender: Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.
Amy: Oh, no!
Bender: That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.
Amy: I don't have that kind of money laying around.
Bender: Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!
[Scene: Will Riker's Island, prison interior. Bender, Roberto, Joey Mousepad and other criminals are in a cell.]
<poem>Roberto: [He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock] Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. [He stabs at Bender]
Bender: I better carve a shiv for protection. [He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]
URL: [He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.] Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out.
Bender: Oh! Thank God. [He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate] Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?
Larry the Murder Burglar: [To Amy] Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar.
Amy: Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos.
Kif: Amy, that man's a criminal!
Amy: I was just checking out his tats. [She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a molotov cocktail. The house explodes.] Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see?
Larry the Murder Burglar: Sure.
- [Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]
- [A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]
Kif: [To Amy] I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight.
Amy: Quit exaggerating.
- [A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]
Criminal: Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it!
Amy: [Giggling] Oh! You're bad!
URL: [He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal] Momma said, Spock you out!
Kif: That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. [He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]
Bender: [He is holding the accordion.] Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, [singing] Let's go already!
- [Scene:Forbidden Planet Hollywood. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists] Pan over the various exhibits, from Chewbacca's feet to Iron Man's underpants, Elvis' pelvis and Calculon's agent. Bender, Fry, Leela and Amy are seated at a table]
Leela: Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous.
Amy: Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game.
Bender: Yeah, the game of Old Maid. [He laughs]
Security woman: Excuse me, sir, are those yours? [Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]
Bender: You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. [He opens his chest cabinet revealing Lassie. She barks]
Fry: Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?
Amy: No. Technically we were Fonfon rus, so we weren't really married.
Bender: Wow! The interesting thing about that is [He starts snoring]
Leela: So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds?
Amy: He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid.
Bender: The truth is often stupid. [He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]
Amy: Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?
Bender: Shut up, baby, you love it.
Amy: Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up?
Bender: What?
- [Scene: Amy's apartment]
Amy: [In bed with Bender] That was great.
Bender: Shut up. [Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing] Come over here.
- [Scene: Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]
Amy: Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. [She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.] We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.
Bender: Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. [They begin kissing]
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. The crew is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]
Hermes: I think I'm coming down with circusitis. [He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]
Leela: I thought circusitis only affected children.
Hermes: Children of all ages.
Zoidberg: Bender, old friend. What's on your face?
Bender: [He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.] Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard.
Fry: Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants?
Amy: Uh, maybe. So what?
Fry: I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them.
Bender: [He clears his throat] Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops.
Hermes: Oh, my swollen feet. He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes] I better take my pills. [He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]
- [Scene: NNY street]
Bender: Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten.
Amy: Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. [They kiss]
Preacherbot: Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!
Bender: Oy, this guy.
Preacherbot: The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between.
[A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]
Bender: Look! A single mother! Let's get her! [The crowd runs off]
- [Bender and Amy walk off]
- [Scene: Planet Express ship basement.]
Farnsworth: Quickly, into the ship's basement! [Dr. Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there.] Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. [Pan over the individual jars of weather] I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. [He opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a typhoon, it has Bender's graffiti on it.] That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help.
Leela: How is that? [She gets zapped by the prod and screams.]
Farnsworth: Get out there!
- [Scene: Planet Tornadus. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]
Leela: Is everybody in position?
Amy: What?
Zoidberg: Is someone talking?
Leela: Okay, good. On three. One.
Hermes: What did she say?
Leela: Two.
Bender: Wait, I'm not in position. [He is being blown around by the winds]
Leela: Three.
Zoidberg: I'm ready for the countdown.
Leela: I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!
Fry: She said, "Go!"
[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]</poem>
- [Scene: Planet Express Ship basement]
Farnsworth: Good work, everyone. [A tornado has someone been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose.]
Leela: Honestly, that went better than I expected.
Farnsworth: I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. [He puts the leaf into the pickle jar.]
Fry: Hey, where's Amy and Bender.
Zoidberg: They're missing out on some hot pickle action. [He licks his mouth flaps.]
[The Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling.]
Hermes: Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.
[Amy's sweatshirt whips around in the tornado.]
Leela: That's Amy's sweatshirt!
[Bender's hat appears]
Fry: And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball!
Hermes: Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds!
Farnsworth: [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.] Oh, the humanity! Also Bender!
Amy: [The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.] Uh-oh!
Farnsworth: What's going on here?
Bender: Uh. [He antenna recedes.] Nothing.
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth.
Farnsworth: A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof!
Bender: What about on the roof?
Farnsworth: Get your mind out of the gutter!
Bender: What about in the gutter?
Leela: Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality.
Hermes: Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults.
Zoidberg: Or one!
Amy: Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as my parents don't find out.
Farnsworth: Zai jian. [He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]
Amy: Mom? Dad?
Leo: Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. [He pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy] Atta girl!
[The Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling]
Bender: Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling!
Preacherbot: [The doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there] Repent!
Bender: Oy, this guy. [A magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off.]
- [Scene: Wong Ranch. No Brokebacking]
Inez: Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great.
Amy: I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex-
Leo: [Cutting across her.] You finish that word, you kill your parents.
Wine Bucket: Low wine level detected. [He fills Amy's glass]
Amy: Thank you.
Leo: Stop seducing him, you hussy!
Amy: Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket!
Wine Bucket: [A tear rolls down its face] Hopes deleted.
- [Scene: Camp Rectifier. Praying on the weak since 2976.]
Preacherbot: Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh.
- [In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, Fatbot, and an unknown robot]
Bender: Neat!
Preacherbot: Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India.
Unknown Robot: But I read in Esqwired that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual.
Preacherbot: Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"?
Hermaphrobot: I'll take a-three-men, holla!
- [Scene: Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]
Inez: Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! [There is a line of men standing near the porch.] I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now.
Amy: Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interesting in any of these gross, ugly losers.
Fry: [Walking up] What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser?
Leo: Fry! What you doing here?
Fry: I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from here robosexual desires. [He winks.]
Amy: If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? [She winks back.]
Leo: Look at that awkward winking.
Inez: It must be love. [Fry and Amy walk off]
- [Scene: Planet Express ship]
Amy: My parents may be evil, but at least their stupid.
- [Scene: Camp Rectifier]
Preacherbot: [The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.] In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons.
Fatbot: Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack!
Preacherbot: [He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! [He wipes away some sweat.] Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. [The campers all switch dummies.] Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.
Bender: Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now!
Amy: I'm inside the dummy to rescue you.
Bender: That answers that. Wait... Amy? [He begins kissing the demon]
Leela: [Fry and Leela can be heard groaning] Bender, be careful!
Bender: Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech.
Zoidberg: I guess we should have waited in the ship.
- [Scene: Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]
Bender: Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, [He lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A.] will you marry me?
Amy: Yes! Yes!
[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]
Farnsworth: Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, [He checks his pulse and hears only one beat] No!
Zoidberg: [He is admiring Amy's ring] Such a stone. Is it real? [Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.] Horray!
Farnsworth: Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal!
Leela: Not in Space Massachusetts.
Bender: You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!
Hermes: Yeah, man! You got to legalize it!
Amy: We're talking about robosexual marriage.
Hermes: We're talking about lots of stuff.
- [Scene: Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]
- [The Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head.]
Fry: Cool! Can you turn into a race car?
Hot Dog Stand
: Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.
Amy: [on stage] Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.
Hedonism Bot: [In a bondage outfit] Squeaky, squishy clean! [The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]
Amy: But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! [The crowd cheers]
Bender: Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, [Cut to the Donbot and Fanny, man and woman, [Pan to Pauly Shore and Michelle, man and man [Pan to Randy Munchnik, his partner, and their poodle.]
Randy: Our poodle has two daddies.
Bender: Interracial, [Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white], Interplanetary, [Pan to a blob and a woman], even ghost and horse, [a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body] but not robot and human.
- [The crowd boos]
Amy: That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage.
- [The crowd cheers]
Bender: If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!
- [A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, Hattie and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]
- [Scene: √2 News broadcast.]
Linda: [on TV] As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat.
Morbo: [on TV] Doomed!
Linda: [on TV] More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.
- [A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]
Actor 1: A storm is gathering.
Actor 2: A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.
Actor 1: It's probably a firestorm.
Actress: If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.
Man: [Voice over] Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.
- [Scene: Planet Express Lounge.]
Amy: We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!
Bender: But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole!
Fry: Professor, who's debating for your side?
Farnsworth: Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name.
- [Scene: Debate Hall]
Farnsworth: [Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.] That's him!
George Takei's head: Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. [The crowd does.] We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.
Bender: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.
- [The crowd cheers and applauds]
Takei: I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor?
Farnsworth: This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion.
Bender: You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love.
Farnsworth: Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. [Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.] Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. [Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.] I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me [Eunice is in bed with a robot.] for a robot! [End flashback] How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo?
Amy: That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?
Farnsworth: She didn't just leave me for a robot. She was a robot! [The crowd gasps.] Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47. [The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47.] My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. [The crowd cheers]
Bender: Give me a hug. [He jumps the Professor]
George Takei's head: I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. Oh, my!
- [Scene: Planet Express Lounge. The crew is watching TV.]
Linda: [on TV] In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.
Morbo: [on TV] What's next, gay robosexual marriage?
- [The crew cheers]
Amy: We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!
Bender{{transcript infobox
|isanimatic=no
|for=Proposition Infinity
|written by=Michael Rowe
|credit=Teyrn of Highever
Kifcroaker
|prev ep=Attack of the Killer App
|next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code
}}
[Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]
[Scene: Amy's apartment. Kif and Amy are watching Channel √2 News.]
<poem>Linda: [on TV] We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim?
Jim: [on TV] [Still in the burning hovercopter.] The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda.
Linda: [on TV] [She laughs] One for the blooper reel.
Kif: The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait. There might be chopping.
Amy: God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.
Kif: You know full well that I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.
Amy: Not where it counts.
Morbo: [on TV] I hated Jim! In other news, our city's urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.
Linda: [on TV] Police have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art.
[On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]
- [Scene: New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables.
Bender: [He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head] That is one sexy bridge abutment.
- [Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, a Richard Nixon "Despair" poster (parodying the Barack Obama "Hope" poster) and a tube transport station. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn" instead of "Freeway Ends At Corner"]
Hyper-Chicken: Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. [He crashes his hovercar and crows loudly]
[Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]
Bender: The key is knowing precisely where to strike. [The last building turns out to be URL's back] Oops!
URL: Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. [He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]
Smitty: You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.
URL: It does kinda class-up the place.
- [Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]
Clock: The time is 4 am.
- [Scene: Amy's apartment]
Amy: We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?
Kif: Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.
Amy: We're just going through a rough patch.
Kif: It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender.
[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone]
Todd: Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. [He plays a tune]
- [Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign]
Amy: Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? [Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]
Bender: Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.
Amy: Oh, no!
Bender: That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.
Amy: I don't have that kind of money laying around.
Bender: Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!
[Scene: Will Riker's Island, prison interior. Bender, Roberto, Joey Mousepad and other criminals are in a cell.]
<poem>Roberto: [He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock] Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. Ha-HAA. [He stabs at Bender]
Bender: I better carve a shiv for protection. [He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]
URL: [He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.] Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out.
Bender: Oh! Thank God. [He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate] Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?
Larry the Murder Burglar: [To Amy] Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry the Murder Burglar.
Amy: Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos.
Kif: Amy, that man's a criminal!
Amy: I was just checking out his tats. [She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a molotov cocktail. The house explodes.] Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see?
Larry the Murder Burglar: Sure.
- [Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]
- [A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]
Kif: [To Amy] I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight.
Amy: Quit exaggerating.
- [A criminal that Smitty and URL are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]
Criminal: Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it!
Amy: [Giggling] Oh! You're bad!
URL: [He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal] Momma said, Spock you out!
Kif: That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. [He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]
Bender: [He is holding the accordion.] Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, [singing] Let's go already!
- [Scene:Forbidden Planet Hollywood. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists] Pan over the various exhibits, from Chewbacca's feet to Iron Man's underpants, Elvis' pelvis and Calculon's agent. Bender, Fry, Leela and Amy are seated at a table]
Leela: Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous.
Amy: Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game.
Bender: Yeah, the game of Old Maid. [He laughs]
Security woman: Excuse me, sir, are those yours? [Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]
Bender: You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. [He opens his chest cabinet revealing Lassie. She barks]
Fry: Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?
Amy: No. Technically we were Fonfon rus, so we weren't really married.
Bender: Wow! The interesting thing about that is [He starts snoring]
Leela: So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds?
Amy: He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid.
Bender: The truth is often stupid. [He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]
Amy: Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?
Bender: Shut up, baby, you love it.
Amy: Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up?
Bender: What?
- [Scene: Amy's apartment]
Amy: [In bed with Bender] That was great.
Bender: Shut up. [Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing] Come over here.
- [Scene: Tube Transport System. Bender and Amy are talking]
Amy: Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. [She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.] We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.
Bender: Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. [They begin kissing]
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. The crew is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]
Hermes: I think I'm coming down with circusitis. [He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]
Leela: I thought circusitis only affected children.
Hermes: Children of all ages.
Zoidberg: Bender, old friend. What's on your face?
Bender: [He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.] Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard.
Fry: Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants?
Amy: Uh, maybe. So what?
Fry: I only brought it up because Bender is wearing them.
Bender: [He clears his throat] Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops.
Hermes: Oh, my swollen feet. He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes] I better take my pills. [He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]
- [Scene: NNY street]
Bender: Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten.
Amy: Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. [They kiss]
Preacherbot: Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!
Bender: Oy, this guy.
Preacherbot: The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between.
[A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]
Bender: Look! A single mother! Let's get her! [The crowd runs off]
- [Bender and Amy walk off]
- [Scene: Planet Express ship basement.]
Farnsworth: Quickly, into the ship's basement! [Dr. Zoidberg scrambles into the basement and closes the door behind him. Everyone else is already there.] Now, then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. [Pan over the individual jars of weather] I've got sunny, snow flurry, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. [He opens some blinds revealing a farmhouse being blown away in a typhoon, it has Bender's graffiti on it.] That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help.
Leela: How is that? [She gets zapped by the prod and screams.]
Farnsworth: Get out there!
- [Scene: Planet Tornadus. The crew are situated around a tornado. They are using jet packs and a device to extract the tornado.]
Leela: Is everybody in position?
Amy: What?
Zoidberg: Is someone talking?
Leela: Okay, good. On three. One.
Hermes: What did she say?
Leela: Two.
Bender: Wait, I'm not in position. [He is being blown around by the winds]
Leela: Three.
Zoidberg: I'm ready for the countdown.
Leela: I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!
Fry: She said, "Go!"
[Everyone begins shooting wildly at the tornado.]</poem>
- [Scene: Planet Express Ship basement]
Farnsworth: Good work, everyone. [A tornado has someone been shoved into a large tube. It is attached to a pickle jar by a hose.]
Leela: Honestly, that went better than I expected.
Farnsworth: I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. [He puts the leaf into the pickle jar.]
Fry: Hey, where's Amy and Bender.
Zoidberg: They're missing out on some hot pickle action. [He licks his mouth flaps.]
[The Professor presses a button and turns a switch on his machine. The tornado is being decanted into the pickle jar. Bender and Amy can be heard giggling.]
Hermes: Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.
[Amy's sweatshirt whips around in the tornado.]
Leela: That's Amy's sweatshirt!
[Bender's hat appears]
Fry: And that's Bender's hat from the Player's ball!
Hermes: Sweet tornadoes of Barbados! Bender and Amy have been torn to shreds!
Farnsworth: [He presses a few more buttons and more of Bender's and Amy's things appear in the whirlwind.] Oh, the humanity! Also Bender!
Amy: [The whirlwind whips faster revealing Bender and Amy. The tornado stops and they fall to the floor, still kissing.] Uh-oh!
Farnsworth: What's going on here?
Bender: Uh. [He antenna recedes.] Nothing.
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. Everyone except the Professor is sitting. The Professor is pacing back and forth.
Farnsworth: A pair of deviant robosexuals. Not under my roof!
Bender: What about on the roof?
Farnsworth: Get your mind out of the gutter!
Bender: What about in the gutter?
Leela: Professor, there is nothing wrong with robosexuality.
Hermes: Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what happens between two consenting adults.
Zoidberg: Or one!
Amy: Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay just as long as my parents don't find out.
Farnsworth: Zai jian. [He begins whistling innocently and walks to the door. A doorbell rings. He opens it. Leo and Inez are there.]
Amy: Mom? Dad?
Leo: Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. [He pulls out a lasso and lassos Amy] Atta girl!
[The Professor closes his cellphone again and begins whistling]
Bender: Uh-oh! not the innocent whistling!
Preacherbot: [The doorbell rings and the Preacherbot is there] Repent!
Bender: Oy, this guy. [A magnet attaches to his chest cabinet and he is dragged off.]
- [Scene: Wong Ranch. No Brokebacking]
Inez: Look, we're your family. And if you can't talk about your problems with us, that would be great.
Amy: I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex-
Leo: [Cutting across her.] You finish that word, you kill your parents.
Wine Bucket: Low wine level detected. [He fills Amy's glass]
Amy: Thank you.
Leo: Stop seducing him, you hussy!
Amy: Dad, gleesh! I'm attracted to Bender, not his emotionless wine bucket!
Wine Bucket: [A tear rolls down its face] Hopes deleted.
- [Scene: Camp Rectifier. Praying on the weak since 2976.]
Preacherbot: Robotic brothers, the path to [[Robot Hell] is paved with human flesh.
- [In addition to Bender, there is the Hermaphrobot, Fatbot, and an unknown robot]
Bender: Neat!
Preacherbot: Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech support guys in India.
Unknown Robot: But I read in Esqwired that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual.
Preacherbot: Don't believe those lies, son! The one ones worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get an "Amen"?
Hermaphrobot: I'll take a-three-men, holla!
- [Scene: Wong Ranch. Amy is rocking on a porch swing.]
Inez: Come on, Amy! Pick a male human already! [There is a line of men standing near the porch.] I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now.
Amy: Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interesting in any of these gross, ugly losers.
Fry: [Walking up] What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser?
Leo: Fry! What you doing here?
Fry: I'm here to rescue Amy, uh... from here robosexual desires. [He winks.]
Amy: If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? [She winks back.]
Leo: Look at that awkward winking.
Inez: It must be love. [Fry and Amy walk off]
- [Scene: Planet Express ship]
Amy: My parents may be evil, but at least their stupid.
- [Scene: Camp Rectifier]
Preacherbot: [The campers and the Preacherbot are standing near some dummies of humans.] In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons.
Fatbot: Look at the rack on that one! I mean, that one on the rack!
Preacherbot: [He blows a whistle and the campers each jump on a dummy and start fondling them.] Good! That's real good! [He wipes away some sweat.] Okay, everybody switch demons. No point sticking with just one demon. [The campers all switch dummies.] Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmmm. Mercy. Okay, Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.
Bender: Oh, Amy. I wonder where you are right now!
Amy: I'm inside the dummy to rescue you.
Bender: That answers that. Wait... Amy? [He begins kissing the demon]
Leela: [Fry and Leela can be heard groaning] Bender, be careful!
Bender: Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? Blech.
Zoidberg: I guess we should have waited in the ship.
- [Scene: Planet Express meeting room. Bender and Amy are kissing.]
Bender: Listen up, everybody, I love Amy and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, [He lowers his body and pulls a ring out of his chest cabinet. It has a tag that says exhibit A.] will you marry me?
Amy: Yes! Yes!
[Everyone else beside the Professor begins cheering]
Farnsworth: Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day! Wait a second, [He checks his pulse and hears only one beat] No!
Zoidberg: [He is admiring Amy's ring] Such a stone. Is it real? [Amy pulls up Zoidberg's coat and uses the diamond to cut through Zoidberg's skin, revealing his internal organs.] Horray!
Farnsworth: Horray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal!
Leela: Not in Space Massachusetts.
Bender: You mean Space-tax-achusetts. No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!
Hermes: Yeah, man! You got to legalize it!
Amy: We're talking about robosexual marriage.
Hermes: We're talking about lots of stuff.
- [Scene: Gearwhich Village Pride Parade. Fry is eating a hot dog.]
- [The Hot Dog Stand grows limbs and a head.]
Fry: Cool! Can you turn into a race car?
Hot Dog Stand
: Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.
Amy: [on stage] Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.
Hedonism Bot: [In a bondage outfit] Squeaky, squishy clean! [The Hot Dog Stand vomits hot dogs on Hedonism Bot.]
Amy: But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who, or what, we want! [The crowd cheers]
Bender: Every other couple has the right to marry, robot and fembot, [Cut to the Donbot and Fanny, man and woman, [Pan to Pauly Shore and Michelle, man and man [Pan to Randy Munchnik, his partner, and their poodle.]
Randy: Our poodle has two daddies.
Bender: Interracial, [Pan to two aliens who are half-black and half-white], Interplanetary, [Pan to a blob and a woman], even ghost and horse, [a ghost is floating nearby with a horse inside its body] but not robot and human.
- [The crowd boos]
Amy: That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage.
- [The crowd cheers]
Bender: If you hate intolerance and begin punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!
- [A montage of campaign efforts. Amy pins a button to an alien. He is popped by the button and floats away. Bender puts tile graffiti on URL's back and get hit. The crew holds a sign that reads "Stand up for equality" while nearby the Professor, Hattie and two others have a sign that reads, "Fall down and be unable to get up for traditional marriage".]
- [Scene: √2 News broadcast.]
Linda: [on TV] As election day nears, prop infinity seems doomed to certain defeat.
Morbo: [on TV] Doomed!
Linda: [on TV] More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.
- [A Parody of the National Organization for Marriage's ad begins. Storm clouds roll in.]
Actor 1: A storm is gathering.
Actor 2: A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.
Actor 1: It's probably a firestorm.
Actress: If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.
Man: [Voice over] Vote No on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.
- [Scene: Planet Express Lounge.]
Amy: We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!
Bender: But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole!
Fry: Professor, who's debating for your side?
Farnsworth: Oh, that guy, you know, I forget his name.
- [Scene: Debate Hall]
Farnsworth: [Pointing to a live image of himself on a television screen.] That's him!
George Takei's head: Good evening, I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. [The crowd does.] We flipped a coin before the debate and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.
Bender: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different than yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.
- [The crowd cheers and applauds]
Takei: I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor?
Farnsworth: This $4 coffee pot talks about love, but what he describes is perversion.
Bender: You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love.
Farnsworth: Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl to ever skip through a field of posies. [Flashback to a younger Professor and Eunice skipping through posies.] Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. [Farnsworth handes Eunice some posies and she drips poison on them. They wilt. The Professor and Eunice kiss.] I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me [Eunice is in bed with a robot.] for a robot! [End flashback] How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo?
Amy: That's it? You hate robosexual 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?
Farnsworth: She didn't just leave me for a robot. She was a robot! [The crowd gasps.] Oh, God! Her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47. [The same flower scene plays but Eunice is replaced with Unit 47.] My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took my anger out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity. [The crowd cheers]
Bender: Give me a hug. [He jumps the Professor]
George Takei's head: I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now, they're hugging me back. Oh, my!
- [Scene: Planet Express Lounge. The crew is watching TV.]
Linda: [on TV] In a stunning turnout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.
Morbo: [on TV] What's next, gay robosexual marriage?
- [The crew cheers]
Amy: We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!
Bender: Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? [Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]
- [Cut back to Planet Express]
Radio Announcer: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. [A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.] At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with "Shut Up and Love Me"
- [As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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Woo-hoo! Yeah! ... Monogamous? [Cut to Bender on a beach with two hookerbots]</poem>
- [Cut back to Planet Express]
Radio Announcer: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. [A motercycle revs outside. Kif is driving and wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses and boots.] At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with "Shut Up and Love Me"
- [As the song plays, Kif and Amy ride off into the sunset.]
- [Closing Credits.]
Futurama transcripts | |||||||||
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1ACV (Season 1) |
"Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots" • "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory" | ||||||||
2ACV (Season 2) |
"I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "A Clone of My Own" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "Mother's Day" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Anthology of Interest I" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Honking" • "The Cryonic Woman" | ||||||||
3ACV (Season 3) |
"Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Parasites Lost" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "The Route of All Evil" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Roswell that Ends Well" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "The 30% Iron Chef" | ||||||||
4ACV (Season 4) |
"Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Love and Rocket" • "Less than Hero" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "Jurassic Bark" • "Crimes of the Hot" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" • "The Sting" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings" | ||||||||
5ACV (Season 5) |
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6ACV (Season 6) |
"Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Möbius Dick" • "Law and Oracle" • "Benderama" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Neutopia" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation" | ||||||||
7ACV (Season 7) |
"The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama" • "Forty Percent Leadbelly" • "2-D Blacktop" • "T.: The Terrestrial" • "Fry and Leela's Big Fling" • "The Inhuman Torch" • "Saturday Morning Fun Pit" • "Calculon 2.0" • "Assie Come Home" • "Leela and the Genestalk" • "Game of Tones" • "Murder on the Planet Express" • "Stench and Stenchibility" • "Meanwhile" | ||||||||
8ACV (Season 8) |
"The Impossible Stream" • "Children of a Lesser Bog" • "How the West Was 1010001" • "Parasites Regained" • "Related to Items You've Viewed" • "I Know What You Did Next Xmas" • "Rage Against the Vaccine" • "Zapp Gets Cancelled" • "The Prince and the Product" • "All the Way Down" | ||||||||
S01E (Broadcast season 1) |
"Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots" | ||||||||
S02E (Broadcast season 2) |
"A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory" • "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "A Clone of My Own" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Mother's Day" • "Anthology of Interest I" | ||||||||
S03E (Broadcast season 3) |
"The Honking" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Cryonic Woman" • "Parasites Lost" • "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot" | ||||||||
S04E (Broadcast season 4) |
"Roswell that Ends Well" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Love and Rocket" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "The 30% Iron Chef" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" | ||||||||
S05E (Broadcast season 5) |
"Crimes of the Hot" • "Jurassic Bark" • "The Route of All Evil" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Less than Hero" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "The Sting" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings" | ||||||||
S06E (Broadcast season 6) |
"Bender's Big Score Part 1" • "Bender's Big Score Part 2" • "Bender's Big Score Part 3" • "Bender's Big Score Part 4" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 1" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 2" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 3" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 4" • "Bender's Game Part 1" • "Bender's Game Part 2" • "Bender's Game Part 3" • "Bender's Game Part 4" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 1" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 2" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 3" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 4" | ||||||||
S07E (Broadcast season 7) |
"Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular" | ||||||||
S08E (Broadcast season 8) |
"Neutopia" • "Benderama" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Law and Oracle" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Möbius Dick" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation" | ||||||||
S09E (Broadcast season 9) |
"The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama" |
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